Have You Met Michael Galanes Yet?

No, I haven't! Let's see what he has to say...



Oh, THAT Michael Galanes, the pageant coach and MC of the "Little Miss Perfect" pageants on that show of the same name on WE Television - Television for women who like weddings and watching female spawns of the Succubus act like soul sucking greed monsters while they plan their weddings (aka Bridezillas). WE's LMP is a behind the scenes look at said pageant, which is a very real competition. Very real.

In last night's episode, as the tanned, bedazzled, ultra blond baby Barbies trotted on the stage like bite sized dreams of perfection with their demanding mothers orbiting around them, one little girl stood out in an Abigail Breslin Little Miss Sunshine way. Her name was Shelby. She was a natural beauty who didn't spray tan, didn't dye her hair into threads of silk, and didn't wear sparkle fringed shorts and twirl a baton. She also didn't win. Didn't even place. For the talent competition, Shelby came on stage in a pair of shorts and a shirt with a snake around her neck, walked around, did a split and blew a kiss as Mom coached her from the back of the room. Her Mom, a plain Jane electric wire of a lady proclaimed uncle. No more pageants. They just want the pretty cookie cutter girls.

You've got to be kidding. Now, she figures it out.

Watching spray tanned living dolls dressed like sexy women living out the dreams of their pushy mothers is creepy, depressing and sadly, fascinating. (And yes. These mothers are pushy.) On one hand, you can tell the girls kind of like it, but on the other... are they really enjoying being poked, hair sprayed and conditioned to be judged? What is it teaching them? How to be perfect in order to succeed? How to please other people by being pretty? And how are some of these adults...specifically male...looking at them? Shutter. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

The winners...

As Shelby and snake left the competition with an "L" plastered on their heads, I whispered sincerely, "Good luck little Shelby. Please don't be a stripper."

I fear for these girls. I know, some do go on to be successful and happy, but the ones who fall through the cracks in life...don't.

Little Miss Perfect airs on WE TV...check listings for times. (It'll be on a loop on any given Saturday afternoon, so no need to expend the energy looking for times.)